Disappointment

I have to admit I was disappointed when I didn’t make All-State. I was overjoyed for my fellow chamber choir members that made it in, and I know they deserved it. At first, I didn’t like to even hear them talk about All-State or anything to do with it. About how much fun they were having; what funny things were happening at rehearsal. But when it comes down to it, I’m just as excited as they are. It’ll be weird for me to listen to it, because I’ll be on the other side of it. By that I mean I’ll be the audience instead of being on singing for the audience. And that’s okay. I rarely get to see other people perform anymore because I’m always one of them. It’ll be especially nice because every person from Kennedy that made it is one of my friends, and they’re all so talented, it’ll be an honor watching them perform.

Love Struggle

It’s so frustrating to have the person you like not like you back. I’m used to it, but it still sucks. Like I know some people were meant to be friends, but what if I don’t want to be friends? I love you. A lot. For now, as a friend. But  I feel like I could love you as more than that. Usually, I would jump right in. But I’m hesitant this time. I’ve seen my life fall apart before my eyes, and I’ve lost many friends because I dated someone I was so close with, and we hung out in the same friend group. When we inevitably broke up, because after all, this is high school. But it was awful. And was the relationship we had really worth having if it meant throwing away most of the things that made me happy? Hell no.

            But it’s hard. When you find everything about someone so amazing, even when it’s probably not. You look past their flaws, and you love them for all they’re worth. Their happiness becomes your happiness. And that’s love. But the wrong kind. I believe everything happens for a reason, so I just have to be

love happy

“When someone else’s happiness is your happiness, that’s love.”  I absolutely love that quote. By love, that doesn’t have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other. It can be a friend, too. At first, I didn’t relate with it at all. I can be quite selfish at times and only concerned about my own happiness. But over time, I’ve found someone whose happiness is my happiness. When they’re happy, I’m genuinely joyous. And that’s love. I don’t love them like a lover or significant other. I love them as a best friend. I found someone whose happiness is close to coming before mine, and I want them to be as happy as possible. That’s one of the most special things in the world.

That gorgeous feeling

In choir, I’m an alto. More specifically, alto two; also known as the lowest female voice part. I love being an alto, and I’ve almost always been one. In sixth grade, I was a soprano. I know it seems like one year wouldn’t make a difference, but most people don’t switch parts. They stay what they were told to be right at the beginning. Boys are different, of course, because their voices change. Interestingly enough, girls’ voices change as well. Some more than others, but everyone’s changes a little bit. My voice especially changed quite drastically. After getting a large part in my eighth musical, I came to the realization that I couldn’t belt the high notes that I used to be able to. I asked my teacher about it, and that’s the first time I found out that girl’s voices can change. I personally think it changed for the better, because although I lost some of my belting notes, my lower notes became stronger. I do sing by myself in my free time, so this is where my not being able to belt certain notes becomes a dilemma. I can’t sing certain songs as well I wish I could due to this problem. This doesn’t necessarily mean I have a minimal range, it just means I have to use my head voice for more notes than soprano does.

            My voice lesson teacher told me that he thinks I could easily be a metso, which is a voice part in between alto and soprano. I was quite shocked at this; for the past five years I’ve always been on the lowest voice part. I took it as a compliment, because I assume that meant the he thought my range was wide enough that I could move up a half voice part. I want to stick with being an alto, though. Some of the notes are so low and thick, it’s exhilarating to sing them. There have been some occasions where the notes are so low that they overlap with the tenor notes, which is the voice part below the alto, and the highest male voice part. If a female is capable of hitting those notes, that’s pretty cool. It’s such a unique sound to hear notes that are in a male range, sung by a female.

            It’s been said that the alto part is the easiest to sing. I beg to differ. They hardly ever get the melody, and some notes are too high for our range, but are still commonly seen in music because after all, we are still female singers. It’s such a fun part to sing; not too high, not to low. Although we don’t have the melody a lot of the time, we do have some pretty cool harmony in there. And when the melody is ours, we nail it.