Halloween Yo

I AM SUPER EXCITED FOR MY HALLOWEEN PARTY. Haha okay to be completely honest I don’t even know who’s coming at this point. I’ve just been kind of verbally inviting people because I want to branch out and everyone should be allowed to come, but I can’t keep track anymore lol. So I hope a good amount of people actually show up haha.

            I’ve decided to be a biker chick. I don’t know, I think it’ll be cool because since the outfit is more casual, I can do more with my hair and makeup.

            I’m a little worried about having time to make everything. Food wise, I mean. I’m baking/cooking like six plus recipes and have literally no time. I have Play Time Poppy everyday this week, and when I should be doing it(Thursday night, the night before the party), I have show choir from 6:30-8:30. Oh well, I’ll figure it out.

            I think some of the girls are spending the night. I hope so; I haven’t had a big sleepover in years. It’s a pretty broad group of girls, so it should be interesting. It’ll be nice for everyone to bond though.

Happy

Life is too short to hold grudges. I’m guilty of this myself, but still. I’m trying to be a better person and work on forgiving people more easily. Like literally though we have less than two years left together. High school will be over after that. So everyone stop being mean and start being nice.

            School is hard and stressful enough without drama. I mean drama as in friend problems; not drama like stage drama. Because that kind of drama is the shit. Anywho, friends are supposed to be the reason you get excited. The reason you feel better about yourself. Cut the drama and focus your time elsewhere. If you’re going to be upset about something, be upset about grades or food or whatever. Friends are supposed to make you happy.

            It’s hard when you get in a fight with one friend because you usually have a bunch of mutual friends. Then things just get awkward. This is another reason why we should all just be best buds and everything is happy.

Done

This is something I wrote very soon after a breakup. I usually wouldn’t share something so personal, but I have to move on. And I think being open about what happened will help me to do that.

 

“I thought you loved me.” I stood there, trembling, tears running down my face. I looked at him. At those blue eyes that used to look at me so lovingly, at those lips that used to press against mine every time they had the chance, and those arms that I used to constantly find myself being held in.

“I was too young to know what love is.” He said, his eyes not softening.

“But now, do you think you know what it is?” I asked.

“No one our age knows for sure what it is. But I do have a better understanding of what it feels like. And that’s not how I feel about you.” He replied bluntly.

The only way to describe how I felt was numbness. I felt nothing; no sadness, no anger, no pain. But I knew it’d hit me all at once later. And it would hurt like hell.

“Is there someone else?” I asked, scared to hear the answer.
“No.”

“Were you just not ready for a relationship, or is it me?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

“I have to go” he said.

“Please don’t” I begged.

“Goodbye” And he walked away.

I watched him go, not taking my eyes off him until he turned the corner and was gone. I suddenly couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t my throat I was grasping at, but my chest. My heart hurt, and it was as if it was cutting off my oxygen supply. I knew it was all being imagined, but that didn’t make it any less real for me.

I walked down the hall, but I wasn’t really walking. I looked around, but all I saw was black. I felt as if I was outside of my body, watching myself exist.

It’s not real. I thought. But it was. This wasn’t a dream. It was painful reality. But then again, it wasn’t the end of the world either. It was just heartbreak. Just heartbreak. The words echoed in my ears. This wasn’t so bad; it would get better. Right?

 

            Sure, some people marry their high school sweethearts. But it’s so unlikely. I’ll probably meet my future husband in college, and that’ll be that. I won’t forget past “lovers”, though. Each one taught me a different thing. Especially this one.

All-State is Over

I did not make All-State. I was pretty disappointed. I don’t know why I got my hopes up; it’s really rare to make it. It was my first year, too. We had five people make it, and two alternates. I’m just as happy for my friends that made it as I would’ve been if I would’ve made it. It’s a big deal regardless of who makes it in.

            I think every person from Kennedy who made it deserved it very much. I personally think there were some people who should’ve made it that didn’t. But that’s just how it happened, I guess.

            It’s very frustrating to be an alternate. Being an alternate means that if someone drops out of All-State before a certain deadline, the alternate of the voice part that dropped out is replaces them. You still have to learn all the music and be prepared, but there’s the chance you still won’t get to go. It’s a tough position to be in.

            There are some upsides to not making All-State. I no longer have to practice with my quartet every SMART Lunch. I don’t have to deal with the stress of it all. I can now work on Christmas music instead of All-State music lol.
            But I am going to miss the music. It’s so beautifully written and put together, and it would’ve been cool to sing that with six hundred kids from around Iowa. But oh well, there’s always next year!