Don't Worry, Be Happy

We’re told not to worry. That everything in life will eventually fall into place, and there’s nothing to be concerned about. I’m calling bullshit on that. We have several reasons to worry. Life is scary. The world is scary. What if everything doesn’t work out? No, life doesn’t end if things don’t go as planned. But it does suck. A lot of people have this picture of what their life is going to be like someday, and that makes them happy. But there’s such a big chance of it not turning out that way, people shouldn’t get hung up on that image. I’m one to talk, though. That’s what I think about most of the time; my future; where I’m going to be in ten years. Five years, even. I don’t really focus on the “here and now” as much as I should. I just find the future so exciting. But I do plan things out way too much. I think of the specifics, and if it doesn’t happen that way, I’ll probably be really disappointed and that’s not a good thing. We have to just let things happen. If life doesn’t turn out as planned, that’s okay. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. We were meant to be in the place we are for a reason, and the things to come and exactly what’s supposed to happen.

Feelings

Sometimes I just sit down and write. Or rather, type. Not necessarily about what happened that day; it’s not like a diary or anything. But I have a lot of thoughts, insights, and opinions. It feels nice to get them out, even if it’s just on a blank computer screen. One of my most common topics is love. I’m not saying I have a lot of experience, or any, for that matter, on this particular topic, but I enjoy writing about it. It’s fascinating; the whole aspect of it. The feelings, the actions, even the heartbreak. The whole process is mesmerizing. This is something I wrote, and am not particularly proud of, but it’s what I was thinking at the moment:

Love; It’s a beautiful thing. Or so it seems. It looks like clean, untouchable angel, inviting you to come sit with it. But you sit, and the chair legs give away, and you’re falling. But you’re not falling quickly. You’re falling slowly, giving you time to remember everything that you could’ve done differently, everything that went wrong, and asking yourself why. And as you fall, you look up, wanting to see that beautiful angel again. But instead, you see darkness; Angry, unforgiving darkness. Love in its true state.

Accomplishment

After three months of trying to get up the courage, I finally did a back flip on the trampoline. Not by myself, of course. A friend of mine, 6’1” and stronger than most, helped by flipping me over; similar to something a show choir would do. It was terrifying. But I felt so accomplished when I did it. I knew all along that I was physically capable of it; I’d been doing lots of front flips and I had been a gymnast a few years back. It was the mentality that I was having trouble with. I needed help with it- someone to gradually take their hand away until I could do it on my own. I was so happy when I finally did it by myself. The feeling of that kind of accomplishment is similar in music. Finally getting a certain rhythm or a difficult part in a song, and then perfecting it from there is a great feeling. I’m not saying that jumping on a trampoline and learning music go hand in hand. But they are a good comparison. It’s different in the sense of someone might have to work up the courage to try a new move on the trampoline, but they don’t necessarily have to work up the courage to try out a new song. Although they’re too totally different things, there are some similarities. First, trying out the new thing. Whether that be a twist back flip or singing something that’s usually out of your range, it doesn’t matter. Second, successfully completing the task. Thirdly, perfecting it. Once you have basic thing down, you can work from there. Add a twist to your back flip, or try to do one on the ground instead of using the trampoline. Add some vibrato and crescendos in the song you’ve just learned, or try doing it without using music. It’s a great feeling. It’s important to one’s self esteem to feel accomplished, even it’s as small as this.

Future Career

I’ve recently changed my major. From about sixth grade all the way through ninth grade, I wanted to be an Emergency Room nurse. Possibly a doctor, but who knew. I was planning on going to the University of Iowa for pre-med, and eventually working in a hospital in Cedar Rapids. But in the beginning of tenth grade, and I’ll never forget this, my dad said to me: “Lauren, I want you to get up every day excited to go to work. Don’t look for a job, look for your passion; and if your passion pays, then you’ve got it made.” And that was all I needed to hear. I was going to teach music. Music is my life, and if I could pass that on to other people and get paid to do it? Hell yes I was going to do that. I was pumped. ‘Okay Lauren, new plan.” I was now planning to go to Iowa State University, and double major in Music and Education. I was set; until about a week ago. A friend of mine asked me what I wanted to do with my life, and suddenly I didn’t know. Although music is my passion and always will be, it’s also my pastime; my enjoyment. It’s not a job to me. I’d rather have an eventful day working in the emergency room as a doctor or a nurse, and then outside of work, continue to pursue music in another way. Such as community theatre, or teaching my kids piano. Whatever it takes, music will never cease to be a part of my life. But in reality, an Emergency Room nurse is a better fit for me. I don’t see that as a job, either. I’ve always loved that sort of thing. Blood fascinates me. It’s the coolest thing; having to figure out what’s wrong with the patient, officially diagnosing them, and then treating the problem. If that’s not exciting enough, the emergency part of it is amazing. Screaming patients being rushed into the Emergency Room, needing immediate medical attention. I can get a different kind of joy from that than I can from music, and I think that’s awesome. I couldn’t be a music teacher and then a nurse on the side. But I can become an Emergency Room nurse and still pursue music as a separate thing. I think that’s what’s best for me, and I’m going back to my original plan. I’m not concerned about the financial aspect, although being an Emergency Room nurse would be more financially beneficial.