The Struggle of Love

It’s so damn frustrating to have the person you like not like you back. I’m used to it, but it still sucks. Like I know some people were meant to be friends, but what if I don’t want to be friends? I love you. A lot. For now, as a friend. But  I feel like I could love you as more than that. Usually, I would jump right in. But I’m hesitant this time. I’ve seen my life fall apart before my eyes, and I’ve lost many friends because I dated someone I was so close with, and we hung out in the same friend group. When we inevitably broke up, because after all, this is high school. But it was awful. And was the relationship we had really worth having if it meant throwing away most of the things that made me happy? Hell no.

            But it’s hard. When you find everything about someone so amazing, even when it’s probably not. You look past their flaws, and you love them for all they’re worth. Their happiness becomes your happiness. And that’s love. But the wrong kind. I believe everything happens for a reason, so I just have to be patient.

Stress

You know what pisses me off? People who complain about being stressed. First off, stress tends to come from being busy. You most likely chose to be busy. Don’t do so many extra-curricular activities. Second, it’s your choice to handle your busyness that way. Why did you choose to be stressed about your load? Be positive. It’s fun to never be bored.

            If you’re in one thing, and you don’t have a job, don’t complain about being stressed. Seriously. I understand everyone has their own problems, everyone handles things differently, and everyone has their own definition of stress. But come on. It could be so much worse. People just need to calm their shit.

            I personally enjoy being busy. No, I don’t handle stress well. But I’ve been bored for so long, I’m ready for some excitement. I’m ready to stay after school until six, saying lines on stage. I’m ready to direct a one act play and make it a gorgeous masterpiece. I’m ready to stay up late doing homework. That’s what high school is.

All-State

I want to make All-State. So badly. But my quartet got changed and now I don’t even have a tenor. Altos feed off of tenors, and now I don’t have one. The soprano and base in my group is are both very talented.. don’t get me wrong. But we don’t blend well together at all. I don’t know, my other quartet was gorgeous. My new trio is going to need some work, but we’ll make it work. I’m doing whatever it takes to make All-State.

            I didn’t get the chance to audition last year, and I’m lucky enough to have the opportunity this year and I don’t want to blow it. I know it’s not going to be super hard, but I have to sound perfect. There’s a lot of competition.

Priorities

Good God I need to get in shape. Like not super bad, but it wouldn’t hurt. I don’t know how to juggle my things though. How the hell do I prioritize things? I want to be academically successful, I want to have a good body, and I want money. Those are the three things I need to prioritize right now. There’s other little aspects in there, but those are the three main categories. Say I’ve had a long day of babysitting, and I want to go out to Panera to eat and do homework. Okay, so I’ve gotten some money babysitting. Check. I want to go do homework and be a good student. Check. But driving there and buying food costs money, so there goes the money part. The food there is not healthy, so that’s gone to hell. All I have left is the fact that I finished my homework. La-dee-fricking-da.

            I know this is a weird thing to be puzzled about, but I’m so serious right now. Eating healthy and working out makes you feel better, but if you’ve had a long day of stressful homework and working, then you’re probably going to want to eat junk food. At least I do, anyway. I know I should just start eating healthier now, but I use to excuse of not having time. I “don’t have time” to make peanut butter toast in the morning, so instead I grab a granola bar, which is not healthy. I could’ve just gotten up five minutes earlier.

            It’s the same way with working out. I say I don’t have time. I’m busy, but instead I use my prescious free time to relax, rest, and watch tv while I could be running instead. I can’t complain about not liking my body if I’m not willing to do anything about it.

The Struggle of Being a Singer

It’s very frustrating when you want your voice to do something that it won’t do. I’m an alto, so it’s frustrating when I want to sing a high note in my chest voice but I can’t simply because of my range. I have a very dark voice. I am not a bright singer. I used to be, but as my voice evolved over time, it’s finding its true spot in the richer sounding category. There will be things that I have to do that require my voice to sound brighter, or require me to remove most of the vibrato, creating a smoother sound. This is hard for me to do. I guess it depends on what it is. But it’s very comfortable for me to bring a dark sound to whatever I’m singing.

            People say “Oh your voice is your voice, don’t change it for a particular type of music.” This is true in some ways. But I think part of the definition of a talented singer is being able to change and shape your voice to fit different types and styles of music. I don’t know maybe I’m wrong. But I need to work on being able to change my voice to fit different styles, while still keeping my own sound, and while still sounding good.

Grateful

Being part of an extra curricular activity is not only for our enjoyment of simply doing the activity, but to also learn what it is to be a team. We have to work together to be the best we can be. If there is anything that stands in our way, or can jeopardize our goal, we have to avoid that. If you’re going to do something, especially something you’re good at it, do it to the fullest extent possible. There are people out there who wish they could be as talented as you, and would give anything to have that. You do have it; take advantage and give it your all.

            I can’t really talk, because I’ve complained about certain things in show choir and stuff. But if you’re in something that a lot of people would kill to be in, don’t complain. Show choir, for example. There were a lot of disappointed people when those lists came up. If you’re in Happiness, be grateful for it. It’s a big deal.