Done

This is something I wrote very soon after a breakup. I usually wouldn’t share something so personal, but I have to move on. And I think being open about what happened will help me to do that.

 

“I thought you loved me.” I stood there, trembling, tears running down my face. I looked at him. At those blue eyes that used to look at me so lovingly, at those lips that used to press against mine every time they had the chance, and those arms that I used to constantly find myself being held in.

“I was too young to know what love is.” He said, his eyes not softening.

“But now, do you think you know what it is?” I asked.

“No one our age knows for sure what it is. But I do have a better understanding of what it feels like. And that’s not how I feel about you.” He replied bluntly.

The only way to describe how I felt was numbness. I felt nothing; no sadness, no anger, no pain. But I knew it’d hit me all at once later. And it would hurt like hell.

“Is there someone else?” I asked, scared to hear the answer.
“No.”

“Were you just not ready for a relationship, or is it me?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

“I have to go” he said.

“Please don’t” I begged.

“Goodbye” And he walked away.

I watched him go, not taking my eyes off him until he turned the corner and was gone. I suddenly couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t my throat I was grasping at, but my chest. My heart hurt, and it was as if it was cutting off my oxygen supply. I knew it was all being imagined, but that didn’t make it any less real for me.

I walked down the hall, but I wasn’t really walking. I looked around, but all I saw was black. I felt as if I was outside of my body, watching myself exist.

It’s not real. I thought. But it was. This wasn’t a dream. It was painful reality. But then again, it wasn’t the end of the world either. It was just heartbreak. Just heartbreak. The words echoed in my ears. This wasn’t so bad; it would get better. Right?

 

            Sure, some people marry their high school sweethearts. But it’s so unlikely. I’ll probably meet my future husband in college, and that’ll be that. I won’t forget past “lovers”, though. Each one taught me a different thing. Especially this one.